Ever seen a movie that just gets under your skin?
You kind of hate it, yet somehow you want to watch it again. I recently had the
pleasure/pain of one such motion picture: 500 Days of Summer. This indy film with Zooey
Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a hilariously thought-provoking account
of a failed “modern” relationship. It recounts how this guy Tom tries to woo
and win over a new girl in his office, Summer. In a series of flashbacks and
flash forwards, you learn how Summer has no interest in being anyone’s
girlfriend and doesn’t believe in true love. However, she has no problem being
seriously intimate with Tom, as long as they can go on saying they’re “just
friends”. You can imagine the turns it takes as Tom is swept along, trying to
convince Summer that love really does exist. But this film, as it asserts from
the very beginning, is not a love story. I won’t bore you with details, mostly
because I want you to watch the movie and be tortured like I was. Seriously, go
watch it now. Then come back and hear the 500 reasons we should NOT do what
Summer and Tom did. Ok, actually more like 500 divided by 100.
1. Sex outside the commitment of marriage is lying with your body
Let’s get this one out of the way first, since it was
my biggest problem with this relationship. All Tom heard was “blah, blah,
blah,” when Summer asserted that she didn’t want to be in a committed
relationship. The reason is obvious: she was touching him in all the right
places, giving him all the right looks, and doing all the right things to make
him want nothing more than to get into bed with her. Tom is not a pervert; he’s
human. We were made to respond to one another physically and emotionally. When
you make that physical attachment in intercourse, when it’s like the two bodies
have become one, crazy emotional bonds are formed. Bonds that in emotionally
healthy individuals are supposed to last a life time. I won’t go into all the
chemicals at work in your brain during sex that make you attached to that
individual, but believe me, it’s intense stuff. When you have sex with someone,
you’re saying “I want all of you, forever.” I can’t blame Tom for hearing this
message over Summer’s verbalizations that she doesn’t believe in love. After
all, only 10% of communication is the words you say. Body language is a lot
louder.
2. Leading someone on is not being a good friend
Sure, they were “just friends.” Tell me, do you view
lying and hypocrisy as good traits in a friend? Because I sure don’t. Summer
lied to Tom (see #1). She allowed him to get very attached to her, thinking
that as long as she continually asserted that they were “just friends,”
anything was permissible. The absolutely maddening part about this movie is
watching Tom get strung along like a puppy dog, hoping somehow that things work
out for this “nice guy”. It will stir up in you all of those times a guy or
girl lead you on and then let you walk off a cliff. I’m actually glad they
depict the woman as the one leading on in this story, because too often we pin
guys as the ones who just want sexual satisfaction and don’t care about a
woman’s feelings. But it can and does go both ways. And it’s the farthest thing
from being a good friend.
3. The let down is totally not worth it
The 290 days of bliss that Tom enjoyed with Summer
lead to about 200 days if acute misery. At one point he’s so depressed he can’t
get out of bed. When he finally does get up, he won’t leave the house except to
buy alcohol and Twinkies. He sucks at his terrible job. There is nothing about
his life that isn’t affected by Summer’s lead-on and let down. And he allowed
it to happen to himself. That’s right. In #1 and #2, I sympathized with Tom.
But it takes two to tango. Tom allowed Summer to break his heart by ignoring
all the red flags of an unhealthy relationship. And he wasted 500 days of his
life over it. Sure, he learned some valuable lessons; we all do when we hit
rock bottom. But rock bottom sucks. Have some respect for yourself, don’t allow
yourself to be lead on, and you’ll probably still become an architect. Or
whatever it is you want to be.
4. It shouldn't take a bad relationship to make you follow your dreams
We learn early on that Tom wants to be an architect,
but he’s settled for a job designing greeting cards instead of buildings. Tom’s
rebound after his disastrous relationship with Summer is not another woman, but
architecture. He finally decides to set and pursue goals, since his dream of true
love was shattered. I am SO GLAD that Tom finally takes initiative in his life.
However, it’s pretty appalling that it took Summer’s rejection to get him off
of his rear end. I cannot even begin to tell you how important it is to have
dreams and goals and to pursue them. We can’t look to other people for motivation
to live passionately. We were made to be fully alive! Laziness and complacency
rules Tom’s life. Don’t be that guy.
5. Everyone deserves better than that
This is the takeaway from 500 Days of Summer: true
love really does exist, and you deserve it. Often we’re so hungry for love that
we’re ready to settle for a lie. Don’t do it! Love grounded in truth is out
there, and we need to patiently look for it instead of frantically grabbing for
anything we can get. Human beings are such beautiful, wonderful creatures.
Every person is infinitely fascinating and unique. Something with that kind of
dignity deserves authentic love. It’s much harder to lie to yourself or to the
other person when you’re thinking about their dignity. So walk into
relationships with your eyes wide open, and truly appreciate the treasure in
front of you.
So as much as this movie made me feel angry and
vindictive, it also made me think. It contained some incredibly honest points
about relationships that most people don’t want to face. I think that’s why it
made me so uncomfortable. But we need to talk about these things, because there
are a whole lot of lies floating around out there, and we need to call them as
we see them. I’d recommend anyone above the age of 16 watch this movie, and
then challenge them to live differently because of it.
